This is why you never take your wife top the state fair.

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. 

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached  that said, "This Bull Mated 50 Times Last Year." My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said,"He mated 50 times last year."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This Bull Mated 150 Times Last Year. My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW! That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, "This Bull Mated 365 Times last Year." My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow."

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

From: Postsforall.com

Mother Is Horrified When Her Little Boy Shocks Everyone By Shouting This At The Airport.

Several years ago, when I lived in New York and flew to customer sites often, my wife would usually drop me off at Newark N.J. Airport and pick me up when I returned. On one trip, I was only going to be gone for a few days, so I drove myself and parked the car at Newark.

When I returned, the weather was lousy, and it was late at night. I wanted nothing more than to get home to the comfort of my wife and my own bed. When I arrived, the storm was very loud, with crashing thunder and severe lighting. As i came into my bedroom at 2 a.m., I found my two children Alex 3 and Cindy 12, in bed with my wife, Carolyn, apparently scared by the loud storm.

I resigned myself  to sleeping  in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children and explained that is was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

After my next trip several weeks later, Carolyn and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had to come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, Alex saw me and came running, shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "Hi, Alex! And what is the good news?"

"The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.

The airport became very quiet as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his mom was.

From: Postsforall.com

The Poor Man's Wealth

Ramchand and Premchand were neighbors. Ramchand was a poor farmer. Premchand was a landlord.

Ramchand used to be very relaxed and happy. He was never bothered to close the doors and windows of his house at night. He had deep sound sleeps. Although he had no money he was peaceful.

Premchand used to be very tense. He was very keen to close the doors and windows of his house at night. He could not sleep well. He was always bothered that someone might break into his safes and steal his money. He envied the peaceful Ramchand.

One day, Premchand called Ramchand and gave him a box full of cash saying, "Look my dear friend. I am blessed with plenty of wealth. I find you in poverty. So, take this cash and live in prosperity."

Ramchand was overwhelmingly happy. He was joyful throughout the day. Night came. Ramchand went to bed as usual. But, today he could not sleep. He went and closed the doors and windows. He still could not sleep. He began to keep on looking at the box of cash. The whole night he was disturbed.

As soon as day broke, Ramchand took the box of cash to Premchand. He gave the box to Premchand saying,"Dear friend, I am poor. But your money took away peace from me. Please bear with me and take back your money."

Moral: Money can not get everything. Learn to be satisfied with what you have and you will always be happy.

From: http://www.moralstories.org

Little Boy's Love For His Family

I was walking around in a store shopping, when I saw a little boy talking to a boy, couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to me and asked, "Uncle, are you sure I don't have enough money?"

I counted his cash and replied, "You know you don't have enough money to buy the doll, my dear." The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll my sister loved and wanted so much. I wanted to gift her for her birthday. I have to give the doll to my mommy so she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this.

"My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give to my sister." My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until i come back from the mall." Then he showed a very nice photo of him, where he was laughing. He then told me, "I want mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me, I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, But daddy says that she has to go to be with my sister."

The he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quickly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you you don't have enough money for the doll?" He said, "OK, I hope I do have enough." I added some money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But he gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses."

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from  when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young women and little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state.

The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life sustaining machine, because the young women would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young women had passed away. I couldn't stop myself. I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young women was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin , holding a beautiful white rose and in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever...

The love that little boy had for his mother and sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him...

Moral: Respect life, Follow and Obey Rules. Don't make anyone else pay and bear for your mistakes. Do not make the mistakes which cost others something that can never be replaced. Always have a giving hand and extend your help to those in need and sorrow.

From: http://www.moralstories.org/

Cycle Of Evil

There was once a king who was so cruel and unjust that his subjects yearned for his death of dethronement. However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf.

"No more cruelty, no more injustice," he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the "Gentle monarch". Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart.

And the king answered, "As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into it's leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking it's leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for life. The horse began to run but fell into a hole and broke it's leg. Reflecting on all that had happened, I thought: "Evil begets evil. If I continue in my evil ways, I will surely be overtaken by evil."
"So I decided to change."

The minister went away convinced that the time was ripe to overthrow the king and seize the throne. Immersed in thought, he did not see the steps in front of him and fell, breaking his neck.

Moral: Cycle of Deeds always gives us back what we give to others. If we do good to others, our good will happen. If we do bad to others, our turn will also come.


From: moralstories.org

Think Before You Judge

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. 

He answered the call asap, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block. 

He found the boy's father pacing  pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor.

On seeing him, the father yelled, Why did you take all this time to come?

 Don't you know that my son's life is in danger? Don't you have any sense of responsibility?"

The doctor smiled and said, "I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital and I came as fast as I could after receiving the call and now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work."

"Calm down?!" What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down? 

If your son dies while waiting for a doctor than what will you do??" said the father angrily. 

The doctor smiled again and replied, "We will do our best by God's grace and you should also pray for your son's healthy life."

"Giving advises when we're not concerned is so easy" Murmured the father.

The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy. 

"Thank goodness! your son is saved!" And without waiting for the father's reply he carried on his way running by saying, "If you have any questions, ask the nurse."

"Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't wait some minutes so that I could ask about my son's state." Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left. 

The nurse answered, tears coming down her face, "His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was at the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. 

And now that he saved your son's  life, he left running to finish his son's burial."

Moral: Never judge anyone because you never know how their life is and what they're going through.

From: http://www.moralstories.org/

How I Live My Life

Recently I was asked by several individuals, "What is it that you do for a living?" 
Well, the question is really simple. 
As I love to travel and see sights around the world I can't have a full time job that takes up all my time. 
So, the answer is Foreign Exchange, yes, currency trading. 
Not everyday is a good day but I seem to be able to keep my profits at a reasonable amount. Instead of working 9-5 shifts and having a workload, I trade currencies for about an hour a day and still make the money I would on a regular shift. 
Sometimes double of what I would have made at a 9-5. 
I'm not telling anyone to go and trade Foreign Exchange right away. 
People have their own decisions. 
As I was asked what I do, it came to mind that I should tell the others that read my blog as well. Some say it's a risk and that is true, but if you are smart about the trades you make profits will come. 
I usually make quick trades, Binary = Buy or Sell and the position is closed in 10 min. 
So I do this about 3 times a day and before that, I spend about 30 min reading updates on the currency pairs. 
I just thought this could help people get extra money on the side if ever needed. 
Well, that's what I do for a living, have a great day to all.

Lawyer Is Shocked When His Witness Gives Him This Horrifying Answer.

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why yes I do know you since you were a little boy, and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think your a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?

She replied, "Why yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem, He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said:

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

The Wise Farmer's Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the donkey. so the farmer asked his neighbors to come over and help him cover up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, when the donkey realized what was happening he cried horribly, Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued too shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Will and Guy consider that the moral of this tale: Life is going to shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Through applying wisdom every adversity can be turned into a stepping stone. the way to get out of the deepest well is by never giving up but by shaking yourself off and taking a step up.

The moral is what happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it.

This Women Couldn't Take Her Eyes Off This Handsome Man. But Then She Said This

A women is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends...

...When an exceptionally tall, handsome, sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the women could not take her eyes off him.

The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being rude and staring, the young man said to her, "Ill do anything, absolutely anything, that you wan't me to so, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the women asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The women considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse five $20 bills, which she slowly counted into the young man's outstretched hand.

she looked deeply in his eyed and slowly, meaningfully, said "Clean my house."

This Man Married A Teacher. But Never Expected This On His First Night.

These three newlyweds stayed at the same Sandals Resort in Barbados for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Edward and Butler.

the first husband married a nurse. As Edward showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky dude. Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The husband married a telephone operator. Edward showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have the sexiest voices...".

the husband married a school teacher. Edward showed them to their room and thought to himself, "This poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too upright".

the following day Edward answered to work at 5:00 in the morning. He expected just the teacher's spouse to call for breakfast any moment and the other two would call much later in the day.

to Edwards surprise 6:00 am the phone rings, it's the nurses husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opens the door and Edward stepped back in shock. The man's reply pajama's were still wrinkle free and his hair nicely combed.

Edward asked, "Sir what happened? You married a nurse didn't you?

The man grumply replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, "You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary."

Edward left immediately and went back down to the lobby desk to wait for the next call.

6:30 a.m. the telephone operator's husband calls for breakfast.

Edward brings breakfast as fast as possible hoping for the best.
The man opens the door and Edward stepped back in shock. this time the man was fully dressed and had a sour face.

Edward asks, "What happened?

Telephone operators are suppose to be as sexy as their voices."

the man sourly replies "Listen, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "your four minutes are up, your four minutes are up."

Again Edward rushed back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband will be calling any minute.

3:30 p.m. the teachers husband called for breakfast. Edward can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room.

The man opened the door and Edward stepped back in shock. He wore only his boxers and his hair was a mess. He had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.

Edward fearing the worst asked, "What happened to you? did you have a fight?"

The man smiles and happily replies, "No. Sir, when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher.

All I heard last night was her voice saying, "We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right."

This man saw a women stranded on the side of the road. But she never expected this from him.

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road but even in the dim light of the day, he could see she needed help. so he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pinto was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one has stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.

He said, I'm here to help you ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way my name is Bryan Anderson.2

Well, all she had was a flat tire,

But for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been alright with her, She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.

Bryan never thought twice about being paid.

This was not a job to him. this was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. he had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back,the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me..."

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been cold and a depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, Disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. she went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase...The lady noticed the waitress was nearly 8 months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. the old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for the hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door...She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she saw read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard...

she knew how worried her husband was, and he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."

There is an old saying........"What goes around comes around." Today I sent you this story, and I'm asking you to pass it on. Let this light shine.

Don't delete it, don't return it. Simply, pass this on to a friend.

Good friends are like stars.....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

From: Postsforall

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND ON A DATE. THIS KID ABSOLUTELY NAILS IT

During one of her classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you , little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" 

Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

From: Postsforall

Two Men Ask If They Can Stay the Night. Then This Happened.

John decided to ho skiing with his buddy , Keith. So they loaded up john's minivan and headed North.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and i have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." the lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Morning comes, the weather had cleared, and they got their way. they enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

but about nine months later , John got an unexpected latter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Keith.

"Did you, uh, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Keith said, a little embarrassed about being caught, "i have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Keith's face turned beet red and he said,

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me with everything."

Women Admits To Sleeping With Husbands Brother. His Reply Is The Best Thing Ever.

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good women to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life! Your EX- Wife

*********************************************************************************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good women is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I dont know if i ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

President Obama Speaks To A Group Of Students, What happened Next Is Totally Unexpected

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

Walter, responds the little boy.

And what is your question, Walter?

I have four questions:

First, why do you think you can negotiate a treaty with Iran without Congress?

Second, why did you grant amnesty to millions when you said earlier you didn't have the authority to do so?

Third, why did you say that Bowe Bergdahl served with "Honor and Distinction" yet now he's being charged with desertion?

Fourth, why was Hilary Clinton allowed to run a private email server when that clearly broke the law?

Just then, the bell rings for recess.

Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume, Obama says, OK, where were we?

Oh, that's right: question time. Who has a question?

Another little boy puts up his hand.

Obama points him out and asks his name.

Steve, he responds.

And what is your question, Steve?

Actually, I have two questions:

First, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?

Second, what happened to Walter.

This Women Unexpectedly Farted In A Luxury Store. When She Turned Around This Happened.

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.- Good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little "incident," she asks, "What is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam-if you farted just looking at it-you're going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!"

From: Postsforall

Couple Seek Their Parent's Advice In Hopes Of Saving Their Marriage. This Is Priceless

A young couple decided to have a wedding. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When i wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancee will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, It's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quote well. That is, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. this, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "You've swallowed my sock!"

FROM: Postsforall.com

Teacher Assigns Her Class Of Kids To Sell Something On This Weekend. This One Boy's Strategy Is Genius

After a long weekend off the kids filed into class Tuesday morning. They were very excited about their projects. The teacher had given them a weekend assignment to sell something, then gave a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Katie led off. "On Sunday I sold girl Scout cookies outside of Target and I made $40," she said very proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good Katie," said the teacher.

Little Tammy was up next. "I sold magazines to my neighbors,"
she said. "I made $55 and I explained to everyone that magazines would help them up on current news."

"Good, Tammy," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Tom's turn. The teacher held her breath...

Little tom walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teachers desk. "$3,465," he said.

"$3,465!" cried the teacher. "Tom how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make this much money?"

"I found the busiest entrance in the mall," said Tom, "I set up a Dip & chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

"They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"

Then I would say smiling, "It is do poop. Do you wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governments method of giving you something bad, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Man Asks Old Lady Why She's Alone On A Cruise Ship. Her Response Shocks Him

About 2 yrs ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc... all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $22 a day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day (of fantastic food, not institutional food) If I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. i will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days!

7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! they will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to s suite for the rest of your life.

10. there is always a doctor on board.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

Man Shows Up At This Lady's Door Asking A Rude Question...Then This Happens

A women is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady,

"Do you have lady bits?"

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is and it is the same man and he asks the same question,

"Do you have lady bits?"

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice,

"Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again."

The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice,

"Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy i want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it."

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;

"Do you have lady bits?"

"Yes, I do," she says.

The man replies..

"Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?"

Man Buys His Girlfriend A Valentines Gift But Accidentally Sends This Horrifying Note

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Valentines day, but they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents , the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. Just think how many times i will kiss them during the coming year! I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night."

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.


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After 37 Years Of Marriage, Husband Dumps His For His Secretary. What She Does When He Demands the Family Home Is PRICELESS

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little prevailed.
He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing he belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day  she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put some soft background music and feasted on a pond of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of chardonnay.
When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hallow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.
People stopped coming over too visit. Repairman refused to work in the house.
the maid quit.

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later even they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtor's refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign papers that very day. She agreed and within an hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.

The Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of it's accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of it's own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trial, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half it's load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for it's failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We'er all cracked pots. In this world, nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing disguise."


By Sacinandana Swami

Drug Store Worker Is Shocked When He Hears This Horrifying Reply From A Nun

Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."

The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it later!"

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could get some of these condoms. The second nun said, "You get them at the drug store, Sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter.

"Good morning sister," said the pharmacist.

"What can I do for you today?"

"I'd like some condoms please" said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, "How many boxes would you like--there are 12 to a box." "I'll take six boxes, that should last about a week" said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like-we have large, extra large, and big liar size."

The sister thought for a minute, and finally said:

"I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a camel?

HE FAINTED.

The Horse That Only Responds To Certain Words, HAHAHAHA

Jack strode into "John's Sable" looking to buy a horse. "Listen here," said John, "Iv'e got just the horse your looking for, the only things is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn't go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey, the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.

Jim nodded his head, "Fine with me, can I take him for a test run?"

Jim was having the time of his life, "This horse sure can run," he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead, "STOP!" screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get him to stop. "Yoyo" screamed Jim, but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet away from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered "heyhey!" Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just one inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe hisw good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction "Thank God."

Man Does Something At A Pool Party That Blows Everyone Away. Then Says This

A filthy rich Florida man invites all of his friends and neighbors to a party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. He also invites Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ and flirting with all the women.

There was a 10 foot long alligator in the pool and after a few hours of partying the host announced, "I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in the pool." The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and Leroy was in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and the water was churning and splashing everywhere. Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, punching it and attempting to strangle it. He finally succeeded and left it floating in the water as he slowly climbed out of the pool. The onlookers were staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well Leroy, I guess I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't wan't it," says Leroy.

The rich man says, "I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million bucks?"

Leroy says, "No thanks, I don't wan't it."

The host says, "I insist on giving you something. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Leroy declines.

Confused, the man asks him, "Well, Leroy, then what do you wan't?"

Leroy says, "What I want is the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool!"

Women Relieves Herself At The Dinner Table But What Comes Next Is Priceless

A women goes to her boyfriends parent's house for Christmas dinner.

this is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit  down and begin eating a fine meal.

the women is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the women's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The women thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the women smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the women had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she craps on you!"




From Postsforall.com

This Officer Just Underestimated this Woman's Intelligence. Her Response To Him Is Perfect.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the women and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the women.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. for all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

This Guy Applied For A Government Job. But Then They Told Him This.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. the interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes" he says, " I was in Iraq for 2 years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you an extra 5 points towards employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. you are a disabled Veteran; you've got enough points for me to hire you right now.

Our normal hours from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, plan on starting at 10:00 am everyday."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you wan't me hear until 10:00 am?

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first 2 hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.

This Is How Genius Women Deal With A Lawyer

Lawyer won't leave this women alone on her flight. What she does next is genius.

A women and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asked if she would like to play a fun game.

The women, tired, just wanted to take a nap, politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explained, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer , now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the women's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from earth to the moon?"

The women doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer ans searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the women, and hands her $500.00.

The women says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little muffed, wakes the women and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the women reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


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