She thought it was a good idea to sunbathe on the hotel roof. But never saw this coming

A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, wanted to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

"The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly.

"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're laying on the dining room skylight."

She thought she saw her husband cheating, but the reality was even worse

Learn to trust your husband...

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband, for example...

A wife comes home late at night from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling," he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say, "Hello" to them?

Waiting for the right time

As the day goes on, USD/JPY remains stuck below 120.400. I have been waiting for the right time to enter my position but the movement is very unpredictable. Any forex traders have opinions about what to do? Buy or Sell, at the moment I am searching for a conclusion.

A Student Tries To Convince His Teacher To Give Him A Better Grade. The Final Attempt Is Priceless

A student goes to talk to his professor about the grade on his exam. He walks up says, "What is this? Why did you give me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve."

The student takes the exam back and asks, "If I bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?"

The professor is surprised, but still he agrees, at which point the student then takes out his glass eye and bites it.

The shocked professor then takes the exam back, and marks it 85.

The student then says, "If I bite my nose, will you give me a 90?"

The professor is once again shocked. "He can't pull out his own nose" he thinks to himself. He finally agrees, at which point the student takes out his dentures, and bites his own nose.

The professor once again takes the exam, and makes the grade 90.

The student then makes another offer.

"If I get up on this table, and pee the perfume of Coco Chanel on you, will you give me a 100?"

The professor now has to see what this kid can do, so he agrees. The student goes on the table, and pees all over the professor. The professor's shirt is soaking wet, as he goes to sniff it.

"What the heck?! This isn't Coco Chanel! This is pee!"

The student replies, "Fine, we'll leave it at 90."

The Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then umps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his money with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it in his but, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..."

Some things you just can't explain

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you can't just explain." the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," said the farmer.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in....Some things you just cant explain."

A funny moral

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager ate walking to lunch  when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give you each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me first!" says the admin.  clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!2 says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Let your boss have the first say.

Man Spends Entire Paycheck On Parties With Buddies. He was Not Expecting This Reaction From His Wife

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, since it was pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went bu and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, and the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.